The Self-Realization Post.

Mid June is almost here even before i can catch my breath. It's like i am on a bullet train, where inside i feel trapped and every minute seemed like a lifetime but now,  looking at the exterior and the whole picture itself, I'm reaching the pit stop which when i think about it seems like everything had passed in just in a blink of an eye and i don't think i can hit the break button.

I'm scared. I'm scared that i forget that i really am in a race against time no matter how long it may seem to be. I'm scared that i forget the things that i should learn from the past 6 months. I'm scared that i didn't grow, or mature in a specific sense. I 'm scared that, for everything that had happened, i'll lose people that i love sorely by chasing things that i think would make the better of me, which may not be necessarily so. I'm scared that i'll make the wrong decision, and i have feeling that i might need more than a few chances to finally get the right one. With that, i'm scared that i'll never get the second or third or more chances. Heh.

Growing older is tough.

With AS Level finally over days ago and i can now officially declare that i have enough rest and thoroughly bored with.. my days in my room alone, I'd say that it's back to business. Comments on my final AS? Hmm. I know i could've done better but the past is the past and now the only thing that i can do now is to pray and wish for the best. Prayers from any of you who's reading this would be nice :) 

I know perfectly that the next semester will be tougher, with 3 major exams lining up for me. Everyone can do anything they set their mind to, and that includes both you and me which i need to constantly remind myself of. I need to overcome my fears, and thus i have to have a plan. A great plan. A workable plan. I need to get myself more organized, i think my organizer had seize to function no more especially since the formal classes had ended last month. It's time to fill that up back again.

And here's my checklist on things to do and achieve :

• Be more serious (this is serious)
• And rajin, i can't afford to be malas2 anymore and i have emir to thank to that. :)
• Complete the TOEFL workshop, register for the exams, ace it. Had my first TOEFL class today and i have to say that i am very hopeful.
• Register for SAT. The date had been set up by the college board which are on the 9/10 and 6/11. I have yet to decide which date though. Maybe both of the dates?
• Attend the US talk at Taylor's Lakeside. Their website itself is very helpful and informative so truthfully i can't wait to enlighten myself more on what their talk has got to offer. For those who's interested to know more about the organizers and US edu info, you can check out this site. This is actually their update from their previous talk last year.
• Plan for the Langkawi trip, a serious one, and make sure that i have everything that i need. SPM cert, letters of recommendation, and the transcripts. Apparently i have a couple of sem's missing. I still have no idea who to ask to recommend me though :/
• Finalize my decision on which top 5 univ to apply.
• Do my best for A2. I should not say that it is not important, it is still an exam to test my qualifications, or in a more clear sense, to test whether if all the time and money spent in Taylor's had actually benefit me. 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:

• Appreciate the one's i love, the one's surrounding me, understand better, give more and expect less. 

I have so many things to improve on, and day by day i feel like my flaws are getting more and more obvious. To the ones surrounding me and the closest to my heart, eheh emo kan tira. But bear with me okay? I promise i'll make you proud!