I feel bad.

I procrastinated. Againnnnn. I know, i promised myself to keep this blog updated. I'm trying.. Have no fear dear blog. I have lots of stories to tell.

Today, i mean yesterday, one of  the uninetys fellow left us. For real. This comes in  really shocking.. Good in a way that i come crashing back to the reality. Life is short.. We never know when we are going to lose them. I'm sad because againnnn i had not become the person that i had sworn to change myself to. I'm sorry to realize that i hadn't been appreciating others as much as i should. I admit, i cannot wait to get out of the school. I admit, there are some things that i reallyreally wanted to leave behind immediately. I dismissed the sadness of leaving everybody thinking that obviously we will see each other again one day if we really want to. It never crossed my mind for it to become like this. I'm deeply sorry for the loss.. I strongly believe that one day that all of the uninetys will become successful, contribute the country in many ways and accomplished whatever they had always dreamt of. It's practically written on their faces. And yet another loss of a wonderful person who still have many great things upon her. Allah loves her more.

When i recited yassin for arwah just now, it dreaded upon me on how much i miss our times together. I miss our voices reciting yassin, i miss looking around if there's anyone sleeping, i miss the soothing hands of neighbours trying to stop me from swaying.. oh the times. (oh just for the note i didn't manage to recite on time at 10.45, i got the message at 11) i thought i hated school. now i hate myself for hating it once. 

To all my friends, that is if you guys ever going to read this, i am deeply sorry.. Maybe some of you didn't even realized i felt this way but i did. Thank you for your support, especially aliea, amrina and husna. I don't think i can manage without you girls. I'm hoping more than ever to change, to start appreciating people around me more. I have to say thanks to someone too for making realized what a bad person i have been. I'm sorry, that's all that i can say and i will try to change for the better.

Al-Fatihah to Siti Zahariah Bt Md Nayan.