It's 4 am and im waking up to your perfume..

No tipu. It's not 4 am yet and as usual, i can't sleep. 

My week had been.. confusing. Yes, i got rejected by jpa but hey, every cloud has a silver lining kan. Even though i have no idea what's the 'silver lining' is yet. i am frustrated because of that and i think emir getting it without me kinda made it worse. he deserved it yes, veryvery much. But i wished that i could have another chance to, you know, have something in common with him. And now im repeating it again, every cloud has a silver lining.

Aliea told me to believe. I thought i did and now i know what was the real problem is. I didn't know what exactly to believe. I can't even tell you where do i see myself in the next 2-3 years much less in another 10 years. I feel pathetic. I'm jealous of everyone around me on how they made it looked so easy, to choose, to decide, to know exactly what they want to be. How did they made it so simple? 

Well, at the bright side is that alhamdulillah, i have a father with money. Alhamdulillah, he's willing to send me overseas to continue my studies. But i feel guilty. He's willing to spend thousands for something that i decide myself that i'm still blurred about. First thing i should do now is to pick a major. And i'm divided, whether to study for the money, or the knowledge sake itself? Doing what you love is not a recipe for an easier life, its a recipe for an interesting life. The question is, do i really have the guts to give up an easy life? 

No i don't came up all these by myself. Papa help a lot. Don't tell me i complicate things. He started it first.

Now it's between A-Levels or ADTP. Both have it's pros and cons, and i really, seriously, can't decide. The truth is, i'm scared to decide. Are we all growing up too fast? I want to be a kid again and get my parents to decide for me. But i can't do that.. I don't want them to.

so HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! i spent my day watching 10 episodes of korean drama *oh cha soong joo~* to ignore all these for a day and it was a huge bliss. now back to business.  

oh and tomorrows, i am so not scared of you.